Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Bye Bye Blog

"Is your blog over?" my friend asks me over dinner.

I'm embarrassed immediately as I didn't know he read it, nor that he or anyone cares about its status.

"It think it could be, but I don't know," I answer, surprising myself with the answer. But upon saying it, I feel a wave a relief as the idea takes hold in my mind that I can give myself permission to take a break.

For it seems that this piece of writing, this 100,000+ word piece of work has evolved to a natural pause. I began it to explore the contrast of motherhood - its inexplicable highs and lows, the joy impossible to share without sounding cliche, the anger that made me guilt-ridden to share, and, as my friend Wendy said, the "push and pull'' of motherhood.

And its not that I no longer feel pushed and pulled, but the angst has dissipated and I'm left feeling like I can do this, it won't be perfect, but I can manage imperfection now. More often than not now, I wonder if it isn't the child guiding the parent, not the other way around. And in that case, I realize, I don't have to have it figured out.

It doesn't mean I've stopped writing. Recent events have me writing like a fury, and for the first time in four years, I'm not interested in making my words public as I work through the pain.

Pausing my blog doesn't mean my writing journey is over. But like the two novels I've written, and the secret pregnancy blog I kept for Lucas, when they ended, there came a space. It was uncomfortable at first, but the space always allowed for new buds of inspiration and creation.

I hope it is the seeds of my book that are germinating right now. Writing and publishing my own book will be my dream until it is done and I know that the focus it will take, will also take me from here. I appreciate all the publishing I've been able to do, but I'm no longer obsessing with adding to that list and I'm not sure that marketing and germinating can actually co-exist.

For those of you who follow me and find me here, I am so grateful. My aim in publishing my meandering journey has always been for my words to find resonance with others, to perhaps make a small impact on someone so that they feel less alone or more hopeful or have a new perspective to consider.

This blog will no longer be updated, but I will re-emerge. So, until then, bye bye blogging world.

3 comments:

Paula Kiger said...

I understand, but darn it will miss your posts. Can't wait to read the book(s) and I am so very glad that your blog brought us together in the first place.

Birgit Jurock said...

HI Liesl, there is a time for everything (under the sun and in the rain too) and breaks and silence are very important to find the next curve in the road. See you around :-)

Jan said...

Liesl: It seems you have come to the end of one writing adventure and started to make space for a new one. That seem totally appropriate to me. Enjoy the new adventure!

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